Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
