I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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