omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need to align my fucking chakras
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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