She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
