if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
either way he was missing a nipple.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
