So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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