Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
