He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
