you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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