In the future we'll all be gay
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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