talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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