I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
