ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
