Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
