: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
as a side note pls kill me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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