When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
