Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
even my farts smell like vagina
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
