my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
