When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
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You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
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Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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