Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
