It's like a parade of train wrecks.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
