i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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