i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
