I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize