I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
