True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish life had little blips of pornography
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
