I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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