I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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