I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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