I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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