remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
