I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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