had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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