we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
