Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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