what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
