trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
