whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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