Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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