So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
no you cant smoke seaweed
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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