I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
