I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
