I need help removing her.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
