This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
