I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't deserve a penis
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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