i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
