I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
a search helicopter?!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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