I could make wine with my vomit
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
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Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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