fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
