I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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