yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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