where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
