As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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