she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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