I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
