You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
