I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize