the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
