Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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