dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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