And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
