Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize