i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
