I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
