Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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