and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
