there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
