I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
