I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
even my farts smell like vagina
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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