i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i dont even know how to be here
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
